Learn to listen to your gut.
Blame-shifting is an attempt to deflect accountability.
You partner tells you that you misunderstood what he said and he can never do anything to please you.
Your girlfriend says she was only kidding and that you’re too sensitive.
Your mom tells you that you’re over-reacting and you shouldn’t get your feelings hurt.
People say and do unkind things that hurt you—and when you call them out on it, they imply something is wrong with YOU.
Gut check! There is a reason we feel the way we do.
Regardless of what someone tells you, it matters what you are thinking and feeling.
Maybe you are overly sensitive to someone’s “dry wit” or constructive criticism. Perhaps you need to “woman-up” and stop impulsively reacting to the opinionated, sarcastic personalities who come and go in our lives.
Then again, (and more likely) their rude, underhanded remark was intentional and meant to offend you.
Self-absorbed people will tell you that you misheard or misunderstood something they did or said and they will try to convince you that your imagination is your worst enemy.
I say: our intuitive spirit is far, far shrewder than a conniving, berating, self-absorbed, narcissistic personality.
- A man makes your heart ache and your gut grind; that is your intuition telling you SOMETHING IS WRONG!
- A girlfriend wounds your spirit with a snide remark and then she tells you she was only kidding. Your inner core tells you, she’s not a real friend; she’s a petty, self-serving bitch.
- A relative, co-worker, boss or anyone overtly criticizes you, unjustly blames you, undermines your abilities or downplays your accomplishments. They are trying to tear you down and control you.
- When you are innately mistrusting or apprehensive of someone, chances are, they are genuinely a menace to your well-being.
Practice intellectual decisions versus emotionally induced feelings.
Keeping a journal will illuminate the pattern of a person’s hurtful behavior and consequently help you to understand the reality of a relationship with that person.
Writing down what you were thinking and feeling during an argument or hurtful event will validate your feelings. Right or wrong, it’s important that your feelings are validated.
Journaling will help you to better understand yourself.
When you experience a misunderstanding with someone, write down the details of the altercation. Write down their criticisms, spiteful jabs, and so-called “jokes” directed at you.
Do you see a pattern of evasive, manipulating, blaming, controlling behavior? Or it is possible that you are hyper-sensitive and you overreacted?
Journaling can help you work through your confusion and self-doubt.
If your partner’s eruptive, fault-finding, combative behavior happens over and over, journaling will help you to recognize a pattern to his shifty, self-serving actions. You will realize that you weren’t wrong. You did hear him accurately. And you’re not crazy.
You will realize that his blaming, accusing behavior is an attempt to cover up his deliberate, hurtful, immoral conduct.
Sadly, you will realize that he did intend to demean you and wound your spirit.
Use your journal as a path of personal growth. Take responsibility for your life and your happiness. Don’t blame a man for your personal problems. Take accountability for your negative attitudes and dysfunctional behavior.
Tattoo this on your forehead:
If you feel it in your heart and you think it in your head, chances are—you’re right!
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