He talks about falling in love way too soon.
Dating sites are a playground for cheaters and con-artists. Married men boldly pursue you while concealing their identity from a spouse. Online predators create fake profiles and scam money from unsuspecting women. Knowing the online red flags can protect you from heartbreak and a depleted bank account.
Online con-artists are experts at detecting the needy, lonely and naive woman. They will listen carefully to you, size you up and know just what to say to steal your heart.
They reel you in by playing on your emotions, telling you of his dreams and of his past hurts. Many times, he will tell you he once "had it all" but lost it so you will feel sorry for him. He blames an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend for the problems in his relationships and breakups, making him look like the mistreated and victimized partner. He may create an unexpected illness, hospital visit or personal emergency, setting you up for a loan he never intends to pay back.
Online foreign predators can easily conceal their identity by creating a fake profile. They don't post photos or their photos are blurry and slightly off. Their profiles are poorly with misspelled words, contain broken English and punctuation errors. They have learned to perfect their fake front: they post handsome photos and nicely written profiles that they stole from social network and dating sites. Pay attention to the content; it may feel odd because he’s really a Nigerian scam artist trolling dating sites searching for his next victim.
Con artists will send you a flirtatious message, saying you’re beautiful and intriguing and he fell in love with your profile. He immediately wants to go IM (instant messaging) and get your personal email and phone number. He wants to obtain personal information about you quickly so he adapt his conversation to meet your needs, tug at your heart and gain control of you.
Cheaters and romance artists come strong in the beginning. They wow and woo you. They have plenty of time for you with numerous long phone calls, emails and chats. They send you flowers and sentimental cards. They talk about being in "love" way too soon. They tell you they have never felt like this about another woman; he’ll say things like you are a “God send.” They make you feel adored and special. Your relationship seems “too good to be true.” It’s easy for them to be bold and aggressive because they’re not looking for a serious relationship.
Here are the red flags of a romance artist:
- He pushes you for a whirlwind romance. His goal is to create a phony relationship, have sex with you or get money from you and then disappear, leaving you with a broken heart.
- He talks about sex too soon. He turn texting into sexting. He wants to have phone sex and he asks you to text him nude pictures of yourself.
- He says he has a young child or he’s caring for an elderly parent (he’s laying the groundwork to bilk you out of money.)
- He asks questions about your financial status or he reveals his quickly to get you to open up about your finances.
- He lives in another state and he tells you he’s relocating to an area near you. He’s hiding a girlfriend or wife.
- He says he’s an American citizen; real Americans don’t feel the need to proclaim their U.S. citizenship.
- He doesn’t have social media profiles, e.g.: Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
- He’s bold; he comes on fast because he doesn’t intend to stick around.
More red flags, especially for a married man:
- Married men are more likely to initiate the first contact because they want to control you and the direction of the affair.
- He messages and texts you, but he never asks to meet you in person. Not all married men are brave enough to meet you in a seedy motel room, but they create cybersex with erotic messaging, text and chatroom conversations.
- He doesn’t post a photo, he posts a fake photo or the photo is clearly old, dark or blurry (he doesn’t want anyone to recognize him.) He is unwilling to provide additional photos, claiming he doesn’t have current photos or he doesn't know how to upload more photos. He’s hiding something; like his weight or age.
- He doesn’t write a bio. It’s a sign that he’s not really looking for a relationship, or he’s emotionally stunted.
- He messages you on the dating site but when you try to check him out he has hid his profile so no one can see him.
- He’s evasive; he skirts your questions. He claims he doesn’t like to talk about his divorce. Conversations about his home personal life and work are sketchy. He’s secretive about where he lives.
- He’s difficult to reach by phone. You constantly go to his voice mail and he doesn’t return your call for hours or until the next day. He doesn’t answer his phone at night and weekends. He says that he travels a lot, his phone battery died; that’s why you can’t reach him. It’s an indication that he has a girlfriend, wife or family and it is inconvenient to talk.
- He lives in another state. He tells you he’s relocating to an area near you and that he’s getting a “jump-start” on his new social life. He’s plotting long-distance affairs to protect his identity.
- You never get the chance to meet his friends or family. If you mention it, he tells you his parents are deceased, he doesn’t get along with his grown children and he doesn’t have many friends.
Check-out an online man through public records, research websites and connections.
Arrange your first meeting in a public place like a coffee shop, book store or restaurant.
Don’t allow him to pick you up or accept a lift home until you know the person well.
Save all messaging, texts, emails or chat logs, and pay very close attention to details. You may pick up on discrepancies of things he has told you.
Ask to see his driver’s license. If he balks, he’s probably not who he says he is.
Most importantly, if you feel suspicious or uncomfortable about a man, trust your gut instincts something is NOT right.
Are you influenced by a man’s good looks, flattering words and success?
Do you have a history of dating and falling love with the wrong man?
Have you recently broken up with an abusive man?
Learn the early warning signs of anti-social personalities in: Never Date a Dead Animal: The Red Flags of Losers, Abusers, Cheaters and Con-Artists by Nancy Nichols
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