Seriously! Did he think I wouldn’t notice?
Internet dating is a playground for dishonesty, infidelity and insincerity. The married guy doesn't post a photo, or it's fuzzy, or he cuts out the wife standing beside him. The older man posts a photo 10 to 20 years younger than his actual age; when you show up for a first date, he’s unrecognizable.
My dating client Leila, an attractive woman in her 50s, has received her share of whack jobs on her online dating site.
The newest scam is: a woman emails an online woman, who looking for a relationship with a man, to introduce the online woman to her guy friend, boss or brother. Here is the identical email Leila received from five different women:
My friend Gibbon who isn't into internet dating came across your profile through my account Last night and he's been all over me about getting in touch with you, he said you seem like a woman whom has found balance in all aspect of Life which is a hard thing to come by these days. He's tall, 58 years old, Widower, a good Listener, Good Looking and all rounded a complete Guy,I didn't tell him i was gonna contact you,but thought i take a chance,you never know until you try,it might be worth it in the end. take a chance and e-mail him,he ll share pictures and more information with you, his direct e-mail gibbonvasco AT outlook DOT com
Sorry to bother you,one thing i can assure you is you will brighten his day if you do get in touch with him,
Have a wonderful day… Regards
First, note the terrible grammar and punctuation, a red flag of an illiterate foreigner composing the letter.
Secondly, the guys in all 5 emails were all widowers (I suppose to pull at your heart string?).
The scam is: they want you to email their guy friend outside of a secure online dating site so they can quickly gain personal information about you, e.g., your email address, phone number, Facebook account, etc. The closer they can get to you, the faster they can rip you off.
Out of curiosity, Leila replied back to 3 of the women, asking for more information about their wonderful, handsome guy friend. None of the women replied back.
Are we surprised?
Other online profile red flags Leila encountered.
Winking but no e-mailing. It’s mindless flirting. If he doesn’t have the chutzpah to email you, don’t waste your mascara winking back.
No photo, vague photos, or hidden profile: He’s hiding something, and it ain’t a great personality.
He’s got an ego: His profile read, “I consider myself to be guy with above average looks (I don’t agree), with an excellent build. Leila corresponded with this guy. His messages were curt one-liners. Next!
Negative verbiage: He used words like “can’t, don’t, won’t, wouldn’t, and shouldn’t.” They say things like, I don’t do drama,” or “I don’t date women who are high maintenance.” Get ready for a bumpy ride with this controlling, self-absorbed pessimist.
Reference to sex: A guy mentioned his desire for intimacy 7 times in one paragraph: (1) My match is ready to share emotional intimacy. (2) I’m looking for a passionate, warm individual. (3) I like spending time cuddling. (4) What I value in a female she is passionate and warm, sexiness and a tease at time. (5) She takes care of her body and stays in shape. (6) She would love to make love on a rainy night. And (7) Body massages are high on her list of priorties (sic). Ewww! 50 Shades of Creepy!
Long delays when responding to emails: There is a wife or girlfriend hovering in the background.
His mail sounds like a form letter: He’s a married man or he's a player throwing the dice.
No one said this was going to be easy!