True personal power comes when you can depend on yourself to make the important decisions in your life.
Let's be honest for half-a-minute, how intuitive are you?
- Are you able to accurately size up a new woman friend, or does she draw you in with her flattery and charm and then you discover (after she shamelessly uses you to promote her self-interests) she is an self-absorbed, backstabbing hussy?
- Do you sometimes date a man and you secretly question his honesty, reliability or motives, but you keep dating him anyway?
- Do you constantly seek advice from your girlfriends about the man you are dating because you don’t trust your judgment about him?
- Does your boyfriend or husband mistreat you and then he denies his wounding behavior and talks you out of your hurt feelings?
- Do you constantly rely on others to help you make the large and small decisions in life?
I feel your pain, girlfriend. It’s no fun being sucker!
I spent a lifetime questioning my ability to deal with difficult people. When I dated a man I was afraid to speak out about his unreliable, inconsiderate behavior because I might falsely accuse him and push him away. In a relationship I was afraid to confront a man about his deceptive, insensitive conduct because I might be overreacting and he would dump me. I married a man who was shifty and abusive. I knew in my gut that my husband was manipulating me, lying to me and mistreating me, but when I confronted him, he blamed me, telling me I was a hypercritical bitch, I misunderstood what he said and I was hard to get along with. His excuses seemed logical and very convincing—and so I disregarded my intuitive voice, I suppressed my hurt feelings and I kept my mouth shut.
But it wasn’t just with men that I doubted my ability to understand the people in my life who were manipulating and controlling. I didn’t know how to deal with a conniving, two-faced co-worker. I was afraid to confront a girlfriend who treated me unfairly. I struggled to maintain healthy boundaries with my overbearing mother and calculating, sharp-tongued adult daughter. I was afraid to stand up to the people I loved because I didn’t want to seem irrational, unreasonable or ungrateful.
I was tired of second guessing myself about a man’s lying, hurtful behavior. I was tired of backing down to someone's browbeating, self-serving behavior. I was tired of feeling befuddled, ineffective and weak. I was tired of being the victim.
Malcolm Gladwell presents the power of “thin slicing” in his book, Blink. He says “thin slicing,” that is, our first sub-conscious, split-second, knee-jerk reaction, is our most intellectual and accurate observation, and that it is the feeling we should trust. One must practice and perfect the skill of thin slicing (taking in a very thin slice of information and making an accurate prediction or assessment) in order to instinctively eliminate confusing and unimportant incoming data that can lead to a bad decision. E.g.; my ex-boyfriend’s charm, braggadocio and exciting personality caused me to discount the obvious fact that he was, in fact, a flagrant, lying dirtbag.
I began to methodically access the difficulties in my life. I ignored the criticisms and accusations of others and paid keen attention to my subconscious gut reaction to someone’s comments or behavior. I strived to understand my nanosecond first impression about someone and I searched earnestly for the underlying reality in difficult situation. When I felt I had the fundamental truth about a problem (not what someone told me to believe) I stepped out on faith with what I believed to be a legitimate resolution for a difficult situation.
At first, trusting my gut instinct was scary, awkward and agonizing. My negative self-talk haunted me: What if I make a mistake? What if I misjudged and I hurt someone’s feelings? What if I wrongly accuse my boyfriend (or husband), he erupts in anger and he leaves me?
What if? What if? What if?
The first time I trusted my intuition, I knew by the stupid, sheepish look on my boyfriend’s sad-sack face, I had nailed him with the truth. It was wildly empowering to effectively disarm a lying, verbally abusive man.
I continued to consciously listen to my intuitive inner voice for the answers to my relationship difficulties. I discovered the more I relied on my knee-jerk impression about someone’s hurtful behavior, the more vivid and accurate my intuitive vibes became. The more I acted on my intuition (despite the outcries of the controlling people in my life) the more my confidence and self-esteem increased. Years later my girlfriends were coming to me for advice about their lying, cheating, abusive partners.
Take a note: People may mistreat, mislead and betray you, but your intuitive voice knows only to influence decisions that are in your best interest.
5 Steps That Will Hone Your Intuition
- Intuition is like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. The more you listen to your internal voice, the more audible becomes the message, the wiser becomes the counsel, and the more significant is the advice. Soon it will become second nature.
- Listen to your internal conversations. Pay attention to your feelings of anger, fear and resentment; examine the root cause of these feelings. Is the culprit your negative mindset, low self-esteem issue—or is it the damaging influence of someone else? Seek the reality of a hurtful relationship and the authenticity of a person. Discard the negative comments of others and follow your gut.
- Trust your first instincts about a man’s (or anyone’s) questionable, inconsiderate and controlling behavior. Don’t react, instead pause in your thinking and silently question his words and actions. Don’t be swayed by his flimsy excuses or boasting, flattering words.
- Intuition is no good without the courage to act on your gut instincts. When you think a man is lying, twisting your words and manipulating you, step out on faith and expose his hurtful behavior. Each time you realize you were right, your confidence and self-esteem will increase.
- If you feel in your heart, and you think in your head, chances are you are correct in your thinking. If something about a man doesn’t sound or feel right, stop immediately and ask yourself, “WHY?” When you honor your intuition, you reinforce your core well-being.
BONUS INTUITION TIP: Reserve emotional and intimate involvement during the early stages of dating. Sexual intimacy can drug your internal knowing, causing you to play down a man’s undesirable behavior and character flaws.
Are you struggling to understand a hurtful relationship? Learn more about your supernatural knowing in:
God, Please Fix Me!
A Breakthrough in Self-Esteem, Relationship Understanding and Personal Healing for Women
by Nancy Nichols
Purchase the book here! FREE SHIPPING for a limited time! Same day shipping.
Ebooks available at online stores.
For more dating insight sign up for Nancy's Newsletter.
