The No. 1 Habit Associated With A Woman's Low Self-Esteem

STOP comparing yourself to others!

Woman Comparing Herself To OthersIf ever there was a recipe for discontent, unhappiness and failure—it is comparing yourself to others.

Comparing yourself to others is a self-destructive, ingrained habit. As women, we can’t help ourselves; we see a slim, stylishly dressed, beautiful woman, our negative inner voice quickly points out our physical imperfections and personality flaws and we automatically feel “less” than we did two minutes ago.

When we compare ourselves to another—we define ourselves.

We compare our physical features, paycheck, house size, clothes, social status, marriage or relationship (the list is excessive), our ability to make friends and even the number of our Facebook friends and Twitter followers. 

And we use this comparison to rate our worth as an individual.

The fallacy is: we always compare our worst to someone’s best. We make ivory-tower assumptions about someone’s lifestyle, abilities and happiness, while shortchanging our strengths and abilities and accentuating our general dissatisfaction in life.

We overvalue someone in our minds, causing us to feel inferior, diminishing our confidence, optimism and motivation.

When you compare yourself to others, you will invaribly find someone who will make you feel inferior.

All my life I compared myself to other women.

I was once a director for a multi-level skincare and cosmetic company. My income and promotions came from selling product and recruiting others into the business.

My unit director, Carla, was a crackerjack salesperson. She was consistently a top seller and top recruiter in our company. Carla’s down-line recruit and best friend, Frieda, was equally successful. Every year at our company’s annual national convention, Carla and Frieda pranced across the stage to collect their newest promotion and fabulous awards. They were exceedingly irritating with their air of victory and tight-knit friendship. I was “eat-up” with jealousy over their accomplishments.

Comparing myself to Carla and Frieda played havoc on my self-worth. My envy and resentment poisoned my motivation. I loved the business and I valued the women in my down-line, but I was discouraged trying to outsell and outwit this hateable dynamic duo. I was a heartbeat away from quitting the business.

I was one of Carla’s star performers. My second year in the business I won a trip to the Bahamas as her top seller and top recruiter.

In the Bahamas, I shared a hotel room with Carla and her irksome BFF, Frieda. The three of us were unpacking in our room, Carla and Frieda were sharing a bottle of wine, and I listened to them talk freely about their lives. They both despised their husbands, and they talked disparagingly about them. Their children were selfish hellions. Frieda was a recovering drug addict. Carla struggled with smoking, a constant weight problem and low self-esteem body issues. They badmouthed their sister directors, and they criticized the hierarchy of our company. They sniggered at their shifty selling and recruiting tactics. Their thinking was self-absorbed, condescending and twisted. Their behavior was catty and helter-skelter. Their lives were chaotic and unhappy.

In a nutshell, these dingbats were two of the most dysfunctional, unpalatable females I had ever encountered.

I had put Carla and Frieda on a Mary-Kay-Amway-Pampered-Chef-Tupperware pedestal. I measured my competency, intelligence and performance by their accomplishments. I had allowed these misfits to intimidate me, make me feel jealous and doubt my abilities.

I was a changed woman after spending four days in the topsy-turvy, malfunctioning world of Carla and Frieda. Before my Bahama trip, I thought I couldn’t measure up to the super business skills of these female fireballs. After the trip, I realized I was much more talented, much more discerning, and much more competent than these two dizzy directors glued together.

I quit looking sideways, comparing myself to Carla and Frieda. I focused on building my multi-level marketing business. I concentrated on my talents. I applied my abilities. I trained and motivated my sales force. I worked my plan and I kept my eyes locked on the prize. Six months later, in record time, I was awarded top sales and top recruiter in our region. Several months later I walked across the stage at our annual national convention in front of thousands to receive a promotion, a car, and an exquisite diamond and sapphire ring as one of the company’s top ten nationwide directors.

Note To Self; comparing myself to others:

  • Fuels my insecurities and low self-esteem issues.
  • Damages my spirit, deprives me of joy and discourages me.
  • Impairs my talents, creativity and abilities.
  • Creates unrealistic expectations of me, and of my friends, loved ones and co-workers.
  • Spawns my criticisms, jealousy and resentment.

You are not supposed to be like anyone else in this world. You were created with a unique personality, exclusive physical features and special talents. You were designed to develop your own style, cultivate your own abilities and achieve your own successes in life. Your unique design includes your flaws, shortcomings, physical imperfections and eccentricities with which you struggle. You are intended to fulfill your one-of-a-kind destiny.

God Please Fix Me! TrilogyDo you have a habit of comparing yourself to others? God, Please Fix Me! Trilogy can help you realize your unique and special worth as a woman. Read

God, Please Fix Me! Trilogy A Breakthrough in Self-Esteem, Relationship Understanding and Personal Healing for Women by Nancy Nichols

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