Mistake No. 2 After a Breakup: Thinking You Failed

The harder I tried ... the angrier he got.

Breakups are a part of life. It’s how we evaluate what we need and want in a relationship. It’s how we determine the traits and qualities that are important to us in a mate. More importnatly, it’s how we identify the character flaws and dysfunctional behavior that we positively refuse to accept in a partner.

We can't get on with our lives as a woman without at least one miserable man in our life. 

Guys, flip the dialog!

Controlling, narcissistic, abusive partners don’t apologize for their hurtful actions--and genuinely mean it. They don’t admit to any wrong doing and they don’t take responsibility for their part in a failing relationship.They want you to believe YOU are one is who unreasonable, crazy and hard to get along with and YOU are the one who needs to get on medication and get counseling.

Amy's fiance was a master at manipulation and conspiracy. He would deliberately start a fight with her, berate her unmercifully and then divert the attention from his malign behavior by claiming he was the wounded one. After an battering, upsetting argument he would grab Amy’s hand, shove her 3-carat diamond engagement ring in her face, force her to look at it and bellow, “Look at this! Do you not understand how much I love you?” He cast cunning, blaming accusations to make her feel sorry for him, claiming, “The problem with us is YOU don’t understand me,” … and to make her feel bad about herself, “Do you know how much money I’ve spent on you?”

For the record: Amy’s 3-carat diamond engagement ring was later appraised as a fake!

I kept punishing myself thinking my relationship with Dr. Dirtbag would improve if only I could be a better person. If I wouldn’t over-react to his cruel and insensitive remarks. If I could be more patient and understanding. If I could be the strong one—a biblical example of a caring, devoted, loving partner—he would see the bright light and forsake his evil ways. I tried to ignore his irrational behavior. I tried to hold my tongue and dodge his angry jabs—but he kept taunting and persecuting me until I exploded in an uncontrollable fit of anger—and then I was, of course—the bad guy.

The sad part of my approach—of trying to be the strong one—was I was using my strength against myself. I struggled to stay balanced and calm when Dr. Dirtbag verbally attacked me. I tried to endure his unpredictable outbursts and mental torment. I wore myself down trying to figure out what I was doing that caused him to be so angry and abusive. It seemed the harder I tried, the angrier he got; and the angrier he got, the more confused, oppressed and desperate I became. 


Learn about the seductive, cunning, covert warning signs of jealous, abusive personalities in
Never Date a Dead Animal: The Red Flags of Losers, Abusers, Cheaters and Con-Artists
by Nancy Nichols

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