You can't stand to be with him ... but you can't stand to be without him.
You broke off with your boyfriend or husband because he was withdrawn, neglectful and uncommunicative, or he cheated on you, or he was physically or verbally abusive. You’re trying to get on with your life without him in it. You had a decent week. And then suddenly—he calls you.
At first it’s small talk, he’ll ask in his buttered-up voice, “How’ve you been?” or “How’s work?” You agree to have coffee with him—you know, just “to talk.” Then you have dinner and drinks with him. You tell yourself you can “handle it” and before you know it, you sleep with him and you’re back in the worst relationship of your life.
Where is your sense of survival and good judgment? You struggled for months, maybe a year to get this self-serving, immoral sleazebucket out of your head and out of your life. You know he’s bad for you. You know he erodes your confidence, shreds your self-esteem, nukes your energy and throws you into dark depression. And regardless of what he promises, you know he will again betray you with his lying words and abusive behavior.
Wouldn’t it be less painful to super-crush your breast in a mammogram machine?
Why does a guy contact you months, sometimes years after a breakup?
Because his new girlfriend broke up with him—or he hasn’t found a suitable woman who will put up with his unacceptable, bad behavior!
My defective brain seemed to think for me when it came to Dr. Dirtbag.
When Dr. Dirtbag and I were together, I loathed his obnoxious, hurtful behavior. I detested how he got drunk and made a boasting fool of himself in public. I despised him for humiliating me in front of our friends. I hated the way he made me feel with his empty promises, vague explanations and sneering innuendos. But when we broke up I couldn’t stand the sick-to-my-stomach feeling of rejection, and so I weaken and I called him and he was delighted to have his punching bag back.
Sometimes Dr. Dirtbag would call me when we broke up. His favorite get-his-foot-back-in-the-door line was: “Hey—whatta you doing,” he’d say in a forlorn voice, followed by, “I thought you woulda called me by now.”
It was the same contrived, pretentious reconciliatory performance every time. Dr. Dirtbag never called to apologize and he acted as if nothing had ever happened. He knew if he could get me to talk to him, he could soften my heart and he could jump back in the saddle. I knew if I were ever to be free of the emotional hold he had on me, I had to bite the bullet, block all communication with him, eliminate him from my life, detox and look forward to the time when he no longer permeated my brain cells.
If you truly don’t want to talk to him—frikkin block his calls!
Otherwise, you will indefinitely prolong your heartbreak.
Are you trying to get over a hurtful breakup? I share the awakening moments in my book that made me realize that the love-of-my-life was an anti-social, narcissistic, abusive personality.
Never Date a Dead Animal:
The Red Flags of Losers, Abusers, Cheaters and Con-Artists
by Nancy Nichols
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