She was blonde, svelte and stylish and she TOTALLY made me doubt my attractiveness.
Jealousy is a sign of a lack of confidence in oneself and will make you unhappy with your life. When you compare yourself to another, you can always find someone who will make you feel unattractive, unintelligent, inferior to others, discontent with who you are and sabotage your relationship.
It was a hot summer Friday night. My fiancé and I were sitting at a Sushi bar sipping on martinis, nibbling on lobster and cream cheese rolls and basking in each other’s company. My fiancé looked handsome in his white linen shirt and silk shorts. I felt sexy in my seersucker sundress, my tan shoulders, arms and bare legs glistened. My man eyeballed my décolletage as if it were his next nibble of Hamachi.
Life is good!
I casually glanced over my shoulder at an attractive, mature couple sitting at a high-top table, engaged in a conversation and drinking cocktails. They oozed of style and success. I turned, I smiled softly at my guy and I took a sip of my martini.
I nonchalantly looked sideways at the woman and I impulsively critiqued her, sub-consciously comparing myself to her. She was more petite than I; her tight white jeans looked two sizes smaller than my size 8. Her sheer blouse was classy couture. Her sling-back, peep-toe wedge heels were the essence of summer panache. Her coiffure was short, sassy and more dazzling blonde than mine. Her French tip nails were immaculate, her dark-lined, vibrant eyes were impressive, her complexion was flawless and her glossy Lancôme lips looked like a collagen commercial. She was my age—but she looked like a Baby Boomer Barbie doll.
I internally disliked this woman—and I didn’t even know her.
I felt my demeanor suddenly change. Envy heated my blood. My body flushed with negativity and my spirit plummeted. Suddenly, I felt old, frumpy and uncultured. I was no longer bubbly and beautiful.
I casually turned, looked at her husband and I appraised him, as well. He was delicious. He was in his late 50s; tall, toned and sophisticated. He appeared to be of Italian descent (you know what they say about Italian men). His olive complexion was bronzed from the sun (probably from a recent trip to an exotic beach). His thick, grey-tipped hair was stylishly combed back, a handsome broad smile spread across his chiseled jaw. He was dressed to the nines, wearing an impressive Rolex watch and a gold nugget ring. Hmm … that must be their silver Bentley Flying Spur parked conspicuously in front of the restaurant.
Suddenly my guy was no longer handsome and wonderful.
A gloomy, grey cloud washed over me.
I downed my third martini and my woman within screamed, What’s wrong with you—your guy is adorable, he’s successful and he’s totally devoted to you. For crying out loud, he treats you like you were his prized Labrador!
One minute my world was perfect. My guy was handsome and amazing. I was happy-go-lucky and I felt special. Fifteen minutes later jealousy and envy undermined my confidence, sabotaged my feelings for my sweetheart and ruined my Friday night.
Your best self includes your imperfections, shortcomings and eccentricities with which you struggle.
I spent a lifetime listening to my blaming, belittling, hyper-criticizing inner voice. It told me I was not smart or pretty enough and I didn’t measure up in the workplace. It told me I was unworthy of friendships, happiness and success. It told me I needed a man to feel complete and I didn’t deserve the love and respect of a wonderful man. It told me I didn’t fit in with elite and privileged people.
“You are not an accident. God prescribed every single detail of your body. He determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality. You were made to have meaning,” said Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life.
My woman within whispered in my ear, Maybe you don’t fit in—because you’re supposed to stand out.
I was created for a special purpose. My life is intended to have special meaning. I was assigned unique personality traits and talents. My divine purpose is to develop my unique talents and abilities so that I may contribute to the betterment of those around me. I am special because I AM uniquely and amazingly different from any other person on this earth.
If this is true about me, then YOU must exist for a special reason, too. You were born with innate talents, a unique personality and a desire to be special. Your purpose is to enrich the lives of others with your one-of-a-kind personality, your inherent talents and your cultivated abilities. Your life is intended to have remarkable meaning.
So if we are each created to be unique and valuable in God’s eyes, who are we to scrutinize and criticize others—and who are we to judge and disparage ourselves?
Does your negative self-talk hack away at your self-worth? Truly, I understand. My inner critical voice convinced me I was fearful, unattractive and underserving of a man’s love and respect. God, Please Fix Me! can help you dispel the harmful, false beliefs you have about yourself.
If you want to learn more, email me at email@example.com for a complimentary 15-minute Life Coach consultation.
A Breakthrough in Self-Esteem, Relationship Understanding and Personal Healing for Women
by Nancy Nichols
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