You have about 15 minutes on a first date to make a Good or a BAD impression on a man.
You are smitten with your new guy in the first 15 minutes on your first date. He’s handsome, engaging, well-dressed and successful, and he seems to be emotionally stable.
You WANT to get a second date with him. He was smitten with you when you met him by chance. He asked for your phone number, he called you and you met him for dinner. When you walked into the restaurant, his face lit up, he smiled warmly and he gave you a hug. Fifteen minutes into the date he becomes withdrawn, his eyes glaze over and he glances at his watch. You feel a strong disconnect and the change in his demeanor puzzles you. You try to get the date back on track with your wily femininity. Too late. He’s thinking how he can end the date early and disappear from your radar.
Why the sudden change in his attitude toward you?
Here are 11 things that might have turned him off:
- Don’t Be Closed-Minded: Narrow-minded people come off as rigid, pretentious and condescending. Be accepting of his thoughts and opinions. Validating his end of the conversation makes you look intriguing.
- Don’t Hog The Conversation: Monopolizing the evening by talking about yourself will make you look self-absorbed and boring. Encourage him to talk and REALLY listen to what he is saying. Don’t Get into a debate with him. It’s great to share your knowledge but trying to one-up him will make you appear arrogant, controlling and hard to get along with.
- Don’t Be Boring: Don’t make your date carry the conversation. If you are shy, just say so and he’ll probably help you out by guiding the conversation. Be informed; if the only thing you read is your emails, Twitter and Facebook you may have difficulty in contributing to meaningful conversation.
- Don’t Interrogate Him: Save your probing questions for a follow-up date. Don’t ask how many women he's slept with, does he have STDs, why he broke up with his girlfriend or why he got a divorce. Don’t ask questions that imply income or possessions.
- Don’t Talk About Your Ex: A man doesn’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriend-husband-lover. It’s an indication that you’re living in the past and you’re not ready for a new relationship.
- Don’t Appear Eager: Compliment him, but don’t over compliment him. Don’t ask him for his phone number, don't insinuate a second date and don't invite him over for dinner. Nervous behavior makes you appear self-absorbed or insecure: don't touch your face, twist your hair, laugh excitedly, boast or prattle about yourself.
- Don’t Have Expectations: Don’t go on a date hoping for a second date. Men have innate radar for women who are needy and looking for a relationship. They can sense if you are smitten on him. He needs wonder how much you like him.
- Don’t Wear Your Welcome Out: Don’t prolong the date with after-dinner cocktails or bar hopping. Don’t follow him home to listen to music and don’t invite him into your place for a nightcap. Give him a kiss goodnight at the door and leave him wanting more.
- Don’t Drink More Than Two: Too many martinis loosens your tongue, lowers your sexual inhibitions and destroys your femininity. If you can’t limit yourself to 2 drinks, you don’t need to be drinking.
- Don’t Have Sex: I repeat—don’t invite into him for a nightcap, don’t get into a make-out session and DON’T sleep with him on the first date. If you crawl between the sheets with him on date no. 1, he will think you sleep with other guys on the first date as well.
Now that you know what not to do on the first date, here's what you should do to land that second date.
- Do Be Inviting: Eye contact and a warm smile are powerful flirting tools. Lean slightly into him, maintain soft eye contact and touch his arm while you’re talking.
- Do Be A Good Listener: Men love a woman who listens to his stories and enjoys his humor. Let him amaze you with his intelligence and he will ask to see you again.
- Do Ask Questions: Discovering commonalities with a man can make you look interesting and increase his original attraction to you. These Top 3 Questions You MUST Ask On A First Date will help you gain important information about your new man.
- Do Be Upbeat: In the beginning, men just want to have a good time and they're turned off if you're too serious. If you are cheerful and engaging, he can have fun and he will want to see you again.
- Do Be Yourself: Men really do want to make an emotional connection with a woman. Be genuine, share your true thoughts and don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side. Share your adorable flaws. Your transparency will draw him into you.
- Do Have An Air Of Mystery: Don’t talk about your misfortunes (your psycho boyfriend-husband, you need a roommate to make rent or your problems at work); it will make you look unstable. Withholding the intimate details of your life will make him want to know more about you. But don’t act evasive or play jealous mind or the problems at work games because he will mistrust you and pull away.
- Do Let Him Pay: Let a man be a man! Most men will tell you they expect to treat you on the first date and if you pull out your wallet, you will bruise his masculinity. When a man picks up the check, it’s his way of telling you he enjoys your company. Your job is to be gracious and say thank you!
You may also enjoy reading 10 Harsh Reasons He Doesn’t Ask You On A Second Date.
Don’t blow your chances to gain the serious pursuit of a wonderful man. Learn the attitudes and behavior that will attract (and KEEP) a man's sincere interest in Nancy Nichols's Dating and Relationship Trilogy.
Secrets of the Ultimate Husband Hunter
God, Please Fix Me!
Never Date A Date Animal
By Nancy Nichols
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