You got mail from an online man! Don't blow it by playing your cards too close to the chest. The true story of what I told Leila that prompted him to reconnect with her.
Leila is an attractive 50ish, single woman looking for love. As her dating coach, I helped her compose an upbeat, intriguing profile, post photos that flatter her curvy figure and enhance her natural beauty, and portray her adorable personality and personal interests.
Click. She’s up and running.
Two hours later, Leila’s inbox if brimming with a dozen messages from men (and one woman) of all ages, backgrounds and locations throughout the U.S.
Robert seemed like a likely candidate. He lived in the same city. He appeared clean-cut. Six of his photos were obliviously recent, compared to one that wasn’t. He posted photos of him deep sea fishing, a Caribbean vacation, and with his grandson and horses. His snapshots were an indication that he was real, he cares about his family, his life is interesting, and he’s active.
His introductory email was short and upbeat. Leila shot him back a one-liner.
Robert's second email was informative and friendly. “Hello. Very nice to have message from you.” He mentioned his grown children and grandchildren. He divulged where he worked and when he retired, and he listed his hobbies and interests.” He closed his email with, “Would you be alright to visit by phone, perhaps we could plan to meet soon, Robert.”
Leila and Robert volleyed a couple of emails back and forth. Leila’s email were brief, consisting of one or two stoic sentences. She didn’t include a greeting. She didn’t address him by his name. And she didn’t include a complimentary closing or her name.
“Leila,” I said. “Your correspondence sound aloof and unfriendly. You need to share some basic information about yourself. You need to raise your energy on paper. Write, ‘Good morning, Robert.’ Share some light-hearted tidbits about yourself. And sign off with, ‘Have a wonderful day, Leila.’”
Robert called Leila, asking her for a Friday night date. She told him she was busy because her father was in was town, spending the weekend with her (true). Robert said he understood. He called her the following Saturday and asked her out again. Leila told him she was at a food show and she could only talk for a second.
“That’s okay,” said Robert. I’ll call you tomorrow night, let’s get together Monday night.”
Robert didn’t call.
“I think you shut him down,” I told Leila. “You were unavailable twice. Your lack of enthusiasm cooled his heels.”
Leila frowned through phone.
“You need to text him and say, ‘Hi Robert. I apologize I was unavailable to talk on the phone. I would love to hear from you. Have a wonderful day, Leila.”
Several minutes later Robert called, to again ask Lelia for a date.