Stop bringing yourself down with self-doubt.
The voice in our head can be our worst enemy. We wallow in the hurtful events of our past and by default, we create a sad and disheartening daily existence.
Our minds seem to feed on negativity. Our negative parent inner voice barrages us with her constant reprimands and put-downs. We revive and dwell on our boyfriend’s or husband’s cruel words and actions. We belabor and absorb a friend’s unkind actions. We accuse and blame everyone and everything for our discontent in life.
Our destructive thought patterns mutilate our confidence, damage our relationships and impair the quality of our lives.
My favorite saying is, "If you are unhappy in life, change your thoughts and you will alter your destiny." The problem is: most negative thinkers do not believe there is anything wrong with them. They blame their partner for the problems in their relationship, telling themselves, if he would change his behavior, things would be so much better.
Here are 6 examples of negative thinking and how you can turn them around:
1. Closed Mindset.
You categorize everything in black and white, no shades of gray. You have a kneejerk reaction to the comments, opinions and ideas of others. They're wrong, you're right. Instead of listening to the person talking, your mind rushes to respond with your point of view. You don’t consider that you may be a part of the problem.
Positive Solution: Listen patiently to the opinions and ideas of others. Ask questions. Be slow to share your comments and opinions. Consider that they may know something that you don't. Consider that there can be two rights, and no one is wrong.
2. Comparing Yourself to Others.
We'll never be as pretty, as talented, as rich, or as successful as everyone else. We can always find someone we think is better if we if look hard enough. Comparing yourself to others zaps your confidence, creative energy and motivation to excel.
Positive Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others and concentrate on your strengths, talents, accomplishments and successes, small and large. Love and appreciate who you are right now, not who you want to become.
3. Guilt-Induced Dialog.
You beat yourself up for your shortcomings. We all fail from time to time. We under-plan, we over-estimate and we miss the mark. We over eat and we over spend. We overreact and we respond poorly. We occasionally disappoint our friends, co-workers, bosses and loved ones. Beating ourselves up for our minor infractions is counter-productive and creates a negative self-image.
Positive Solution: Acknowledge your error. Put it in perspective and move on: "I spoke rashly to my friend." Apologize and then let it go. "I overate and I didn't exercise." Exercise tomorrow, skip dessert and get your enthusiasm on track. Accept your imperfections; we all have them. Focus on your successes in your personal and business life in the last week, month or year, or five years. Keep a journal of your accomplishments, small and large.
You immediately go on the defense when someone insults or maltreats you. You feel the need to confront them and expose their insensitive behavior. For example, a girlfriend slights you for a new boyfriend. You take issue with her and she gets defensive, resulting in additional negative feelings.
Positive Solution: Let the insults and negative actions of others roll off you. Don't let their problem become your problem. Lower your expectations of others, realizing no one is perfect. Take time to cool-off; you may decide it really was no big deal. Whatever the outcome, don't burn your bridges.
5. Scarcity Thinking.
Scarcity thinking makes us overly competitive and greedy. Your subconscious tells you there is not enough to go around. You need to get this or that before the other guy does. You can't share your knowledge or connections because someone may take advantage of you. Scarcity thinking shuts down your resourcefulness and the generosity of others.
Positive Solution: Learn to see success as something that can be shared. If I am generous and I help and support your efforts, you will, in turn, feel benevolent about promoting me. We each will have a better chance to be successful.
6. Assuming the Worst.
You jump to conclusions about others and situations. You imagine someone doesn't like you, without facts to support your reasoning. You anticipate the hurtful behavior of others before they have actually done or said anything. You overreact to a comment or minor infringement (ex. your husband or boyfriend is in a bad mood and you automatically think you did something wrong).
Positive Solution: Assume things are going well—that people like you, that you're doing a good job, all is right in your world—until you learn differently. Assume that someone's hurtful behavior has nothing do with you. Realize life is not always about you.
Bonus tip: If you don't know what your negative thoughts are, ask a close friend, but be prepared for what you will hear.
Don't let your negative attitudes and behavior stand between you and the things you want most in life. Read the true stories that will open your eyes your self-defeating mindset in the newly released book God, Please Fix Me!
God, Please Fix Me!
A Breakthrough in Self-Esteem, Relationship Understanding and Personal Healing for Women by Nancy Nichols
Purchase the book here! FREE SHIPPING for a limited time! Same day shipping.
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