"Wanna go out to dinner?"
While texting is a quick and easy way to make plans for dinner and stay in touch during the day, it is also a weak and impersonal form of communication.
So why do men (and women) constantly text instead of calling?
- It can be a form of casual entertainment, like listening to the radio or watching TV.
- It is a way to avoid meaningful conversations and emotional involvement.
- It is the lazy man’s way of navigating a casual relationship.
- It enables a disingenuous man to conceal his activities and then to suddenly disappear when he has finished toying with your emotions.
- It insulates the insecure man from his fear of rejection.
Then again, He may not know that texting rubs you the wrong way. It is your responsibility to tell him, “Hey, thanks for texting but would love to hear your voice. Give me a call.”
In the wrong hands, some men use texting to bully, dominate and exploit women.
Warning to faint-hearted readers: this true story contains explicit sexting.
The names have been changed to protect the guilty.
Wendy met Kevin on a Christian dating website. He was handsome, smiling and well-groomed. He described himself as a divorced 48-year-old Christian man looking for a Christian woman who would be his best friend and partner in life. Wendy, 51, replied to Kevin’s email, he asked for her phone number, he called her once and he switched to frequent text messages.
Wendy didn’t recognize Kevin when she met him at a restaurant for their first date. He looked ten years older than his online photos, twenty pounds heavier and his hair was thinner. But he was still handsome and there was instant chemistry between them—and so she dismissed his deception.
Kevin presented himself as a devout Christian. He talked about doing his “personal work” after his divorce. He interjected scriptures into their conversation to back up a moral point. He said he was a teacher for a divorce recovery program for single men and women at his church for the past eight years.
After their first date, Kevin stepped up his pursuit. He texted Wendy early every morning, “Good morning, precious, have a blessed day.” He texted sweet nothings throughout the day and he called her every night before she went to bed. He told her he couldn’t wait for her to meet his children and take her to church with him. He said he was closing his dating profile and within two weeks he said on the phone, “I love you,” and he jokingly inferred marriage.
Wendy knew Kevin’s proclamations of love were happening way too fast—but truly he seemed genuine and Wendy was falling in love with him.
On their second date they enjoyed a romantic dinner. After dinner he walked her to her car, he pressed her up against her car door, he gave her a passionate kiss and his hand found her breast.
Kevin continued to call Wendy nightly. “When are you going to marry me,” he cooed over the phone one night. He texted her daily, saying, “I want to be with you.” Then he jacked up his game. He texted, “When are we going to make love?” And he wrote, “Dreamed of u last nite, got excited.”
Wendy shirked it off and replied, “Take a cold shower.”
He phoned her at bedtime and he asked her, “What are you wearing,” knowing that the answer was a “nightie” or “nothing.” And then he texted “I get hard thinkin about u.” “I hope u get *** when u think of me,” and finally, “I want 2 feel myself ****** u.”
Wendy asked herself, how would Jesus reply to a Bible sexting snake?
Wendy was shocked and uncertain of how to respond to him. He made it sound like he was kinda-sorta joking. She wondered … should she be a sport and text-flirt back with him? But her core felt oddly violated by his lewd assertions. She texted him back, telling him she was uncomfortable talking like that. He apologized and he withdrew in the following days.
Kevin resumed his pursuit. He took Wendy to a romantic dinner and afterwards they went back to her place. Kevin sat in the big club chair in Wendy’s living room and he motioned for her to sit on his lap. She sat sideways on his lap, leaning sideways on his chest with her legs dangling off the side of his thigh. He put his arm around her waist and he quizzed her about her relationship failures. He told her what it took to have a healthy relationship. He said he wasn’t ready to have sex with her and then he began kissing her and rubbing his hands all around her body. Thirty minutes later they were in Wendy’s bed making love.
For weeks Kevin texted Wendy every morning at eight o’clock, saying, “Good morning precious, have a blessed day.” After their conjugal evening, he didn’t call or text her for two days. The third day he texted, “Good morning, have a nice day.”
What the crap happened to “Precious”?
Wendy sensed that Kevin had pulled back—and so she didn’t reply to his text. The next day his text accusations began:
Kevin: Haven’t heard from u. I don’t play games.
Wendy: You haven’t called me. Ur playing games now.
Kevin: Ur a hypocrite. You asked me to lay w you n bed.
Wendy: Ur sex texting was a precursor to everything that happened.
Kevin: Ur not who I thought you were.
Wendy: You teach a church dating class! U need 2 rethink ur Christian walk!!
Kevin: You need to complete ur personal work! Don’t call me again!
Wendy: Don’t worry—I don’t call sex pedators!!
Wendy’s last text didn’t get through to Kevin because in a matter of seconds he had blocked her cell phone. I mean, how many people know how to instantly block phone numbers? Wendy knew this was not the first time he had impulsively blocked a woman’s call.
Kevin was a sanctimonious fraud. He presented himself as a devout Christian looking for a virtuous woman and yet, he seduced women with his obscene, pornographic text messages. He knew in order to penetrate a woman’s chastity, he would have to chip away at her moral resistance. He used sexting to plant the seed in a woman’s mind that said, I want you and wouldn’t it feel good to have sex to together but when a woman submitted to his lascivious overtures he condemned her as the tramp, thus cleansing his self-righteous conscious of any wrongdoing. In other words, it was okay for him to seduce, but it was NOT okay for a woman to succumb.
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