Stop wasting your time dating the wrong man.
I was tired of dating a new man, wasting weeks and even months trying to figure him out. I knew the qualities I wanted in a man. More importantly, I knew the traits and behaviors that I positively, absolutely refused to tolerate in a relationship. Sitting in front of a man on a first date I wanted to know 3 important things:
- Does he have the qualities I’m looking for in a man?
- Is he concealing a girlfriend or a wife?
- Will his values, lifestyle and aspirations match mine?
These 3 non-threatening questions will help you quickly evaluate a guy—and although they are not foolproof (they many not adequately expose a skillful, conning romance artist) these questions can help you decide whether a man is worth more of your time and effort.
Question No. 1: When was your last relationship?
This opens the door to: Are you currently dating anyone? You want to know if he recently broke up with a girlfriend (or he is separated from his wife) because (a) he may still be in love with her making him emotionally unavailable, and (b) he might suddenly decide to go back with her leaving you with a broken heart. The second part of this question is: Why did he breakup with his girlfriend (or why did he get a divorce?) Listen carefully to what he says. If he totally blames his ex-girlfriend-wife for the problems in his relationship—get ready for a bumpy ride. Warning: don’t be surprised if a man says, “Oh, I’m not divorced, I’m married.” It happened to me!
Question No. 2: What qualities are you looking for in a partner?
Pay attention to what a man says because he will often mirror his own qualities. If he says loyalty is important to him in a partner—most likely he will be a loyal, committed partner. This question can also expose his negative traits, e.g.; if he says he won’t do drama, he was most likely a part of the problem. Many a man has blamed his infidelity on his wife, claiming she denied him sex—when in truth he neglected or maltreated his wife and she, in turn, became withdrawn, resentful and non-responsive.
Question No. 3: What do you see yourself doing in five years?
This question can reveal a layer of truths. If he says he wants to travel extensively, ask where? Is he talking about flying to Europe or selling is home and living in a motorhome? Will a home-on-wheels match your lifestyle expectations? If he says his grandchildren are the most important part of his life, can you share him? If he says frequent golf trips with his buddies are a big part of his life, can you be happy at home while he parties-down in Pebble Beach?
I quit dating a retired, good-looking, charismatic, silver-haired hunk because he kept telling me the 3 loves of his life were golf, scotch and cigars. I thought: maybe that’s why his wife left him?
TIP: Listen to what a man says. Watch closer what a man does.
Are you tired of falling in love with men who are non-comittal, emotionally withdraw or abusive? I spend a lifetime investing in dead-end relationships. I can help you break your cycle of comitting to men who leave you depressed and breakhearten. Learn about my life coach consultations and be sure to read God, Please Fix Me! Trilogy to help you understand WHY you gravitate to men who are toxic and unemotionally unavailable.
Never Date a Dead Animal:
The Red Flags of Losers, Abusers, Cheaters and Con-Artists
by Nancy Nichols
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