You MUST love yourself before you can love anyone else.
As an author of self-help books, I learned a lot about my flawed, dysfunctional personality.
When a romantic relationship goes sour, it's easy to blame your ex. He didn't care enough. He was too self-centered. He was lazy. He didn't show enough affection. He was just too wrong for me.
But after the third or fourth time a serious relationship loses the love, you have to sit back and wonder if it's more than just something wrong with your ex. Maybe the real problem is you. (Yeah, you, sitting around waiting around to find Mr. Right.)
Even if you don't think that's a possibility, it's worth considering in order to really figure out why your past relationships failed.
I spent a lifetime seeking the answers to my relationship problems. It seemed my relationships were a constant state of adversity, turmoil, heartbreak and regret. I mistrusted my judgments about men. I doubted my self-worth. I wasted my life on men who were emotionally unavailable, dysfunctional and often abusive. I was drained by the setbacks and the recovery process of divorce.
More than once I looked skyward and I cried out, What’s wrong with me?
Do you relate?
Here are two crucial things that will give your sour love life a 180-degree turnaround:
- Don't Be So Close-Minded And Judgmental.
Criticizing others is a signal that we are discontent with who we are.
We all have a laundry list for the things we look for in a man, but this is only going to set you back and prevent you from finding the perfect lover. That man you are searching for is the ideal man, which means he probably doesn't exist outside your dreams and fantasies.
Be open to meeting new and exciting men that don't necessarily meet all your standards. Give a decent guy a chance to show you his more enduring qualities. While there are a few necessary standards (like sharing life and relationship goals and beliefs), others (like physical appearance) should be open to change.
- Change Your Perspective.
Being a perfectionist will cause you to habitually critique and criticize the men that are interested in you.
Your terrible past experiences are exactly that — in your past. Keep them there! Not every man is the same, and love doesn't always fail.
You must acknowledge YOUR bad behavior that repeatedly sabotages your relationships to find a healthy relationship. Maybe you expect a man to be responsible for happiness. Quality men will run from a woman with a needy agenda.
If you can change that mindset that was created by the negative influences of your past, then you can create a new life.
Want to know some more great ways to steer you on the right path to a thriving love life? Read Nancy Nichols’s dating and relationship advice in Secrets Of The Ultimate Husband Hunter, Never Date A Dead Animal and God, Please Fix Me!
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