You know he’s bad for you—but you can’t resist his uber-charm, good looks and aggressive libido.
Bad boys are often good-looking, nonconventional, spontaneous and they draw you in with their coolness. They woo you with their confidence, uber-charm and flattery. They win your heart with sad stories from their childhood or a woman who mistreated or betrayed him. You’re drawn to his wounded little boy. You’re intoxicated with his wit and brilliance. You desire him because of the capricious emotional tension—a clear sign that you should run in the other direction.
In the beginning your relationship with your bad boy is unbelievably great. He’s provocative, adventurous and he makes your life exciting. He romances you, he gushes over you and he makes you feel special. He’s a pro in the bedroom and you get hooked on the intense sex he gives you and you label these feelings as “being in love.”
But predictably, your bad boy turns out to be self-absorbed, manipulative, unfaithful, unattainable and often emotionally abusive. Your relationship with him is a roller-coaster of euphoria, disappointments and heartbreak.
According to relationship expert Dr. John Gray, you should develop a relationship using logic and reasoning, moving to your heart and ultimately an intimate sexual connection.
But alas, you crave the man who is cocky, self-absorbed and tone-deaf to your needs.
Girlfriend, wouldn’t it be less painful to beat yourself in the head with a hammer?
If your guy displays these behaviors, you’re hooked up with a bad boy who WILL break your heart:
- He’s arrogant and boasting. He tells elaborate stories of his successes, possessions, travel and adventures. It sounds too good to be true.
- He’s unpredictable and unreliable. He cancels his plans with you. He doesn’t call when he says he will. There are large gaps in time between his phone calls and texts. He disappears for days/weeks and he always has a fantastic excuse for his vanishing act.
- He’s a liar. He exaggerates, he twists the truth and he lies when he doesn’t have to. If you catch in a lie, he spins another tale to disarm you. You begin to doubt everything he says.
- He’s emotionally unavailable. Your conversations with him are superficial and disheartening. When you try to have a meaningful conversation with him, you feel misunderstood and dejected.
- He’s indifferent to your needs. He doesn’t show an interest in your activities or ask you for your opinion. His wants, needs and plans are important and he minimizes and ignores the things that are important to you.
- He’s sexually motivated. Your relationship with him is driven by hot sex. You wonder sometimes if you’re a booty-call.
- He’s moody. He’s hot. He’s cold. You keep a yucky, sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach because you never know where you stand with him.
- He’s evasive and secretive. You feel like something is going on in the background but you’re afraid to question him for fear you will push him away.
- He controls your time together. He chooses when and where you will see each other. When you suggest an activity or a date night, he blows you off.
- He controls your telephone time. He doesn’t answer your calls and you repeatedly go to voice mail. He takes his time returning your calls and texts. He calls you late at night to keep you under his thumb or he leaves you hanging because he doesn’t call you.
- He openly flirts with women. He makes sexual remarks about other women or he brags about his conquests.
- He’s noncommittal. When you’re with him, he makes you feel like you’re his one and only, but when he walks out your front door you feel uncertain of his feelings for you. When you try to talk to him about your relationship, he shuts down or he gives you lip service.
- He’s shuns responsibility. Nothing is ever his fault. He blames his exes for his failed relationships. He blames everyone and everything for his misfortunes and problems in life. He blames you for his hurtful behavior.
- He’s verbally or physically abusive. One minute he is an amazing boyfriend. The next minute he is hurling accusations, cutting remarks and fists.
- He doesn’t apologize. Don’t hold your breath waiting for an apology for his hurtful behavior because you will asphyxiate.
Do you repeatedly fall for men who are emotionally unavailable, non-committal or abusive? It’s easy to buy into a man’s flattery, charisma and good looks. Let me help you break your hurtful cycle of falling in love with the wrong men, starting with a complimentary 15-minute telephone conversation. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will set up a time for us to chat.
Learn the warning signs of anti-social personalities in the best-selling self-help book:
Never Date a Dead Animal: The Red Flags of Losers, Abusers, Cheaters and Con-Artists
By Nancy Nichols
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