Don’t ignore your gut feeling that his behavior is strange.
Something doesn’t feel right in your relationship. He has stopped communicating with you. He doesn’t seem to want to have sex with you. He’s distant, preoccupied, evasive and secretive. You can’t put your finger on it, but it feels like something is going on in the background and you wonder, is he cheating on you? You finally get the courage to call him out on his weird behavior. His reaction is shifty, he gets angry and he turns it around on you, saying you don’t trust him and you’re imaging things. He shuts you down, he talks you out of your suspicions and you feel guilty for accusing him—but you can’t shake the sickening feeling that he’s up to no good.
Studies have shown that 85 percent of women who have a gut feeling that their partner is cheating turn out to be right.
Maybe you should trust your intuition.
Here are the warning signs that your snookums is stepping out on you:
- He treats you differently. He’s spending less time with you. You're watching TV; he's on the computer. You go to bed; he stays up late. He’s stopped talking to you; he’s standoffish and distant. You're in the same house but not really together. He stops calling you by your cute nickname. Your relationship has lost its intimacy because he’s seeing another woman. Conversely, he may be much nicer to you. He’s suddenly more accommodating, even more attentive, and you can’t help but wonder—why? A cheating partner may feel guilty and try to justify infidelity. Single gals: Your boyfriend has started giving you excuses to avoid late night calls. He says he’s too tired to talk or he’s working late and he will call you in the morning. He’s stopped calling you at night and instead he texts you. His text says he’s going to bed early, when in truth, he’s bedding down with his lover.
- He deviates from his predictable normal behavior. He spends more time in the bathroom with his cell phone; he says he’s reading emails and the news. He goes into work early and he comes home from work later than usual; he may claim he needs to work on weekends. He has unaccounted periods of time when he’s not in contact. He goes out with his buddies more often. He makes questionable and spontaneous business trips or he schedules out-of-town guy trips. Watch his emotions when he gets home, he may reveal his guilt in his facial expression.
- He has erractic mood swings. A cheating lover will try to displace his shame, anger and guilt onto you by starting a fight. He’s become quarrelsome and hyper-critical, minor things irritate and set him off. He complains and blames you for the problems in your relationship. He may criticize and talk rudely to you in front of friends. He may start a fight to give him the excuse he needs to leave the house. He claims he needs “time to be alone,” when in truth he’s paving the path to be with his lover.
- He takes a sudden interest in his appearance. Cheating men change physically. He loses weight, he starts exercising and he tones his body. He whitens his teeth. He’s suddenly concerned about the signs of aging. He spiffs up his wardrobe, he polishes his scuffed-up shoes, he buys new underwear, he gets his hair styled, he uses a new hair gel and he wears new cologne. Before your guy went out in public wearing a faded tee-shirt, sweat pants and beat-up tennies. Now he leaves the house cleanly shaved, wearing a nice golf shirt, neatly pressed khakis and spit-shined tassel loafers. Single gals: Your boyfriend has to “clean up” before letting you into his house, room or car. If you show up unannounced he gets upset. He’s making sure there are no lingering signs of his infidelity lying around, e.g., a misplaced earring, a strand of long brunette hair (your hair is short and blonde), the sheets are freshly laundered and his bed is made. Married and committed gals: He takes more showers. He showers immediately when he comes home or before he comes to bed when before he didn’t. He doesn’t want you to smell another’s woman fragrance on him.
- He has a sudden change in his personal preferences and interests. He starts drinking a new wine or cocktail. He requests new foods at home or he orders new entrees in restaurants. He listens to new music. He expresses a new interest in art, political views and social issues. There may a female influencing his new interests.
- He needs increased privacy. He starts closing his office door. He says the kids or other noises bother him and he can’t concentrate on his work. He closes the computer screen the moment you walk into the room; he’s concealing his online chat with his lover. When his phone rings he walks into another room or outside to talk in private. When you ask him who he was talking to, he says, “nobody” or “someone from work.” He gets off the phone suddenly when you walk into the room. He claims his frequent calls are to his mom, brother or a friend.
- He has a change in sexual appetite and style. He wants to have more sex with you and he may suggest new positions and sex toys; taking a lover has increased his libido and his sexual prowess. Or he’s less affectionate and he’s stopped trying to have sex with you. He says he’s too tired to have sex, he’s stopped cuddling with you, and instead of sleeping every night in the buff, he wears a tee-shirt and boxers to bed and he immediately turns his back to you to go to sleep. The shift in his sexual behavior are because his desire for intimacy and loyalty belong to his new lover.
- He conceals his financial information. He uses a refillable credit card, a PayPal account and eBay purchases to hide large or frequent transactions. He opens a new checking account for “business” purposes, he writes his own checks and he hides the checkbook. He becomes defensive when you question him about charges on his or joint credit card. Don’t stick your head in the sand: question random bank transfers and cash withdrawals. Check your credit cards for unusual purchases, dinners out, motels and rental cars. Check meal receipts for more than one person.
- He has new "friends" at work. Office affairs are common. He mentions a new female employee at work. He meets his co-workers for happy hour. He may talk negatively about his new interest to throw you off the scent. Trust you gut and pay attention to his other behaviors, sprucing up his appearance, working late, questionable phone calls, etc.
- He's secretive with his technology. Modern technology allows cheaters to communicate with their lovers with “cloaked” emails, untraceable text messages and undetected online chat sessions.
Cell phone: He gets a new phone with a password lock and he withholds the password from you, saying he’s entitled to his privacy and you don’t trust him. He’s stopped charging his phone at home; he charges it in his car or at work. He deletes his messages before letting you see his phone. He keeps his cell phone on silent in his pants pocket; in the past he left it on the counter. He’s stopped making calls and sending texts in front of you. He takes his phone with him whenever he leaves the room, he even takes it to bathroom with him when he go to the toilet or showers. He stopped using his phone to wake him up in the mornings; he uses an alarm clock instead. Pay attention to new email accounts and new apps on his cell phone; it may be a clandestine source of communication with his lover.
Computers: He’s stop sharing his emails with you. He’s changed the passwords to his online accounts, or he has a new email account and he withholds the password from you. Partners who have nothing to hide don’t mind if you have their online passwords.
Related reading: Soulmate! Why Then Does He Lie, Cheat And Abuse You?
Warning signs paraphrased in part from: 8 Surefire Signs Your Boyfriend Is Cheating on You ynaija.com; 10 Tell-Tale Signs That He's Cheating yourtango.com; 5 Tell-Tale Signs He May Be Cheating, Glamour.com.
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