If you think you’re worth it and you expect it, a man will rise to your expectations.
Dating and relationships are comprised of a balance of power. Men use money to get the woman they want. While women, knowingly or unknowingly, use their femininity and allure to reel in the man of their dreams.
The one thing I know about men and their wallet is: if he is stingy with his money, he will be equally stingy with this time, emotions and affection.
What men expect from women they spent money on.
Women long for a meaningful relationship. Men desire sex. When a man sets his sites on a woman, he will work hard to win her love and commitment. Depending on his finances, he will dine you in nice restaurants, he will treat you to all-expense-paid trips and he will buy you small and large gifts, because in his mind, he is investing in you and his future.
When you date a man, you don’t expect him to commit to you immediately. When a man spends money on you, most men don’t expect you to have sex with him immediately—but if he continues to spend money on you, he will eventually expect to have sex with you. If you know you DON’T want to (and will never want to) sleep with a man, don’t let him spend money on you and don't accept an invitation for all-inclusive weekend get-away.
Love yourself, and he will fall in love with you.
Men have a way of picking up on a woman’s self-worth. They know which women are confident, independent and self-reliant and they will work hard to win her love and commitment. And they know which women are needy and desperate for a husband and they can put in limited effort to get her to give up her goodies.
I grew up in a moderate middle class family. My father was a cheapskate and my mother worked 40 hours a week to help ends meet. My father doled out his money with a clenched fist for household necessities. As a teenager I had to beg my dad for money for a movie ticket, school activities and clothes. His stingy, emotionally rigid temperament left me feeling dejected and unworthy.
As an adult, I didn’t feel worthy of a man’s love or gifts. On a date, I gravitated the low-priced items on the menu so I wouldn’t seem like a gold-digger. If a man offered to buy me something, I would say, “Oh, no! You don’t have to do that,” and I would quickly pull out my credit card to pay for my purchase. I was uncomfortable with a man spending money on me because he might expect me to sleep with him.
I married a man who squandered his paychecks on beer and who-knows-what. One freezing Christmas morning I discovered we had no heat because my deadbeat husband failed to pay the utility bill. I wrapped our two small children in heavy clothing and winter coats and I watched them tear open their presents with white vapor floating from their little mouths. I decided right then I would never again marry a man who was irresponsible, miserly and poor.
Keep your love tank full.
The book The 5 Love Languages claims there are five ways to express love emotionally and that each person has a primary love language. They are: Words of affirmation. Acts of service. Receiving gifts. Quality time. And physical touch.
My primary love language is gifts.
I divorced my deadbeat husband, I got over my low self-esteem issues, and not only am I okay with men showering me with compliments, attention and gifts, I want a man who is financially stable and generous with his money. Yes, I may be emotionally flawed, but when a man freely spends his money on me, it communicates to me that I will never again have to beg for a man’s support, validation and love.
Simple techniques that will tell you if he is Daddy Warbucks or Ebenezer Scrooge:
- Men spend money on women who are stylish, classy and confident. It tells him you are a quality woman who is worth pursuing.
- Don’t be quick to pull out your wallet. If you treat a man like your equal (you consistently offer to pay your way on a date or a trip) you will squelch his desire to impress you and pursue you.
- Let him know you like something. When he says, “Let me get these shoes for you,” express in one elongated sentence: “Oh, honey, you don’t have to do that you’re so sweet thank you.”
- Reciprocate. Show a man that you are independent and generous and that your interest is in him—NOT his money. Invite him out for cocktails, lunch or the movies—your treat. After several dates, invite him to your home for a home-cooked meal.
- Be appreciative and caring. Let a guy do something nice for you and then express your delight. A man who feels valued, trusted and needed will want to take care of you.
- Pretend like your hands are full while shopping together, ask him to hold the items you intend to purchase, never offer to take them back and then walk to the checkout counter. Wait to see if he offers to pay. (Okay, this one is bad!)
- Lastly, gifts are wonderful. Asking for money is gold-digging—don’t do it.
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