Your love for him is blind, illogical and self-destructive.
Women will sit on their brains when it comes to men. Infatuation dilutes our ability to reason and we ignore our gut instincts that a man is a relationship risk.
We’re impulsively drawn to men who are good-looking, uber-charming and aloof and we love men who make us feel uncertain, insecure and lovesick. We base our relationships on chemistry and passion, while rejecting the guys who are considerate, dependable and doting (aka “relationship material").
Dr. John Gray, relationship expert, states that single women and men should first develop your relationships using logic and reasoning, moving to your heart and ultimately an intimate sexual connection.
Falling in love with a good man can be a logical, rational, conscious decision that is not based on knee-jerk attraction and tingling sensations that, by the way, fades with time.
I believe, as single women, we do recognize the warning signs of a man’s unreliable, discourteous and deceitful behavior and we suspect him to be a potentially undesirable partner.
Why then do we continue to date him, fall in love with and commit to him when our internal voice screams, “Run! Run! For pity’s sake! Grab your Michael Kors purse and run for your life!”
I believe, as women, we sense when a man is distorting the facts, denying the truth, twisting our words, unjustly blames us and he discounts our worth as a human being.
Why then do we discount and minimize his hurtful behavior?
WHY do we continue to love and even cling to a man who cheats on us, who won’t commit to us, who won’t communicate with us, who emotionally and physically abuses us, who won’t take responsibility for his hurtful behavior and even cruelly dumps us?
Our love-sick emotions minimize and discount the obvious. For example:
- He is quick-tempered and insulting to others. This means he will demean and disrespect you.
- He is evasive, his facts don’t match up or he exaggerates the truth to his friends or family. He will lie and deceive you.
- He is unpredictable and he does not follow through on his word. He will be unreliable and untrustworthy in a relationship with you.
- He bad-mouths his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend and he denies all responsibility in his failed relationships. He will unfairly criticize and blame you.
- He is non-communicating while dating you. He will be withdrawn, tight-lipped and withholding in your relationship.
- He is jealous and controlling while you are dating him. He will be super-controlling and abusive when you commit to him.
Be honest, which woman are you?
You are reality based: You examine the facts when considering a potential boyfriend or husband. You weigh the positive and negative aspects of man’s behavior and personality and you don’t minimize his bad behavior. You keep your emotions and your sexual desires in check while considering a relationship with him and you make a logical decision whether to continue dating him or move on to a more suitable man.
You are fantasy based: Your emotions and imagination affect your sensibilities. You appraise a man with your desires, sentiments, passion and sexuality. You operate in denial, subconsciously (or knowingly) disregarding the warning signs of a man’s hurtful behavior, you justify his bad behavior and you impulsively fall in love with a man who is destined to maltreat you.
Girlfriend, pull your brain out of sand! You know you recognize a man’s bad behavior and you sense the truth about his undesirable character—but you let your longings and emotions control your relationship decisions.
Want to stop your cycle of dating and falling in love with the wrong man?
These 7 habits can help keep your love-sick emotions in check:
- Stop trying to fall in love. Instead, consciously try to find a good man to fall in love with.
- Guard your emotions. Realize that everything a man says or does in the early stages of dating is nothing more than sweet talk!
- Date more than one man at a time. Dating multiple men can curb your emotions and inhibit you from casually sleeping with a man, because if you do, you know you’ll feel sleazy and unethical.
- Trust your intuition. Keep a diary of a man’s desirable traits, as well as his objectionable behavior. The hard facts will confirm what your intuition suspects.
- Trust your girlfriends. When your girlfriend tells you the man you are dating is a jerk—believe her!
- Stop romanticizing about a man. Dating in hopes of a serious relationship is delusional and disappointing.
- Pay no attention to the butterflies. Ignore the tingling, throbbing, love-sick feelings you experience about a new man. Understand that it’s a natural part your need-a-man longings.
Are you ready to fall in love with a man who will love, respect and adore you? I can help you break your habit of dating bad boys and deadbeats. Email nancy@Knowitallnancy.com for a complimentary 15-minute Life Coach Consultation.
Also read: God, Please Fix Me! Trilogy A Breakthrough in Self-Esteem, Relationship Understanding and Personal Healing for Women by Nancy Nichols
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