Are you genuine—or are you a fake?
People want to feel they know the “real” you. They want to connect with someone who is authentic, sincere and trustworthy.
Authentic people stand out in crowd … they don’t try to impress anyone, and yet they are they are the most intriguing person in the room. They’re present in the moment and they listen more than they talk. We’re drawn to their self-assurance, warmth and poise.
Because authentic people are approachable, accepting and transparent, they are easy to get to know—and the more you get to know them, you realize that they are trustworthy, compassionate and capable of having meaningful relationships.
I grew up with shame-based thinking and I learned to stuff and suppress my feelings. As an adult I believed there was something inherently wrong with me. I felt defective, unworthy and unlovable. I was afraid to share my true thoughts for fear someone would criticize me.
I erected emotional barriers that protected me from intimacy and rejection; and consequently, I unknowingly held everyone at an arm’s distance. In my relationships, I was overly sensitive, easily threatened and afraid of being hurt. My shame manifested itself as suppressed anger and defense mechanisms of denial, acting out, blaming and striking back at those who offered me the slightest criticisms. I lived my life in fear. I was afraid of being emotionally vulnerable. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid if you got to know me, you won’t like the frightened, damaged little girl that lived inside me.
I was 45 when I finally got into serious counseling for my emotional problems. After a year of revealing the embarrassing, intimate details of my life, my counselor announced, “I feel like I don’t know who you are.” I was shocked and angry at him; how could he NOT know who I am? I spilled my guts to him—and then I realized, my frightened inner child was hiding behind a lifetime of shame and guilt.
I let go of my hurtful upbringing. I privately and openly acknowledged my harmful conduct in group therapy. I forgave myself, and like magic, my shame and guilt dissipated. I healed my inner child, and eventually, I became the confident, compassionate, vibrant, authentic woman I was created to be.
Are you the “real deal” … or do you push men (and women) away and your relationships are shallow because you’re pretentious, mistrusting, self-protecting and emotionally unavailable?
Authentic people live in the present. They work through their emotional baggage, face their demons and put their self-doubt to rest. They learn from their mistakes. They view problems as a temporary setback and not their forever reality. They are strengthened by adversity. They’re self-governing and they solve their own problems. They’re grounded in truth and they appreciate the small blessings in life. Because they live outside their ego, they truly listen and connect with people.
Homework: You MUST let go of the hurtful events of your past if you hope to attract happiness, meaningful relationships and good fortune today.
Authentic people are free of fear. They’re an “open book” because they have nothing to hide. They acknowledge that past transgressions and they are not afraid to admit to their shortcomings; and therefore, they mindset is free of guilt. They’re not afraid to say “no” and they’re not afraid to say “yes” and they understand their limits. They stand up for their beliefs and they allow others to have their opinions. They are able to maintain healthy boundaries with their boyfriends and husbands, friends, grown children, family members and co-workers. They don’t need everyone to like them. They ignore baseless criticisms cast at them and they distance themselves from people who are contentious, controlling and self-serving. They do not worry that someone will get take advantage of them because they are secure in what they are doing and they expect favorable circumstances and good fortune.
Homework: Ask yourself, what it your biggest fear in life—and then mentally accept it as your reality. Accepting your worst fate will release you from your imaginary and irrational fear.
Authentic people are not judgmental. They have realistic perceptions of themselves, of others, and the world around them. Because they have realistic expectations of themselves, they have reasonable expectations of others. Because they are accepting of themselves, they don’t feel a need to judge and criticize others. They don’t compare themselves to others and they respect the differences in people, regardless of what they look like and what they do for a living. They allow their friends to express their individuality. They are open-minded to new ideas. They don’t feel they have to always be right.
Homework: Look for the good in others, accept them as they are and validate their individuality and worth. Accepting others as they are, will silence your own self-criticisms.
Authentic people are comfortable in their own skin. They genuinely appreciate themselves. They know their self-worth, they admit to their imperfections and they embrace their idiosyncrasies. They have a strong sense of inner peace and self-acceptance. They’re in touch with their feelings and thoughts and they don’t speak negatively about themselves. They enjoy the company of others, but they are equally content to spend time alone. They happily pursue their interests and they develop their full potential. They take care of themselves emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.
Homework: Stop worrying about what others are thinking. Rarely is someone thinking what you think they are thinking.
Authentic people believe their life has purpose and meaning. They look to a Higher Power for their wisdom, encouragement and direction. They’re motivated by a sense of personal responsibility, ethics and helping others. They are willingly share of their time, knowledge and resources because they believe it will come back to them magnified. They see the world from a higher perspective. They see value in all people. They're aware and compassionate for the pain and suffering of others and they feel a moral obligation to help those who are less fortunate. They believe in love, hope, faith, generosity and commitment.
Homework: Do what you love (career, hobbies, personal aspirations) not what someone tells you what you should want or do.
Read Principle No. 2 to Living Your Best Life Now! 5 Steps That Will Reveal Your Unique Purpose In Life.
Do you push men away because you are fearful and self-protecting?
Based on inspiring true events, my book God, Please Fix Me! can help you be your best self and attract the sincere interest of quality men..
A Breakthrough in Self-Esteem, Relationship Understanding and Personal Healing for Women
by Nancy Nichols
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