Men can be very mistrustful.
After having been jilted, hammered and lied to by a woman or two, a man looks for “red flags” in a woman’s online profile. He knows women post photos of when they were 10 years younger and 20 pounds lighter. He carefully, analytically reads between the lines searching for signs of gold-digging, clingy co-dependent traits, and anger and control issues.
If you are newly divorced, and jaded, your profile may unknowingly present an undercurrent of mistrust, resentment and bitterness.
Writing an online profile can be complicated and sticky.
Here are the top profile mistakes that repel men and the tips that will make you look attractive, intriguing and desirable:
1. You use poor grammar and spelling: Misspelled words, incorrect punctuation and text message jargon: "u", “btw" or "thx," imply that you’re lazy or uneducated.
How to spark his interest. Create your profile in Microsoft Word, use spellcheck and ask a friend to edit your profile for phrases that can be misconstrued in a negative light.
2. You write a long-winded narrative. You ramble on and on about yourself, you begin many sentences with “I”. You brag about your great personality, your work, hobbies and accomplishments. You use big-words and quotes to try to impress a man but he thinks you’re too serious and self-absorbed.
How to spark his interest. Limit your story to 200 characters. Use anecdotes and humor. Lauren Ware, ProfilePro writer for Match.com says, “A quick-and-dirty guideline is to have two paragraphs about yourself, then two about who you’re looking for and perhaps one or two sentences at the end to wrap it up.
3. You write a shopping list. It’s great to know the qualities you want in a man, but a list of must-haves and deal-breakers will make you look hyper-critical and hard to get along with.
How to spark his interest. List a few of the most important traits you want in a man. Say something like, “I like a man who can communicate his thoughts and he enjoys spending time with his sweetheart, family and friends.” And then focus on what it would look like to be in a relationship with you. “A friend told me that I make people feel comfortable in social situations.” “On Sunday nights I like to order in Chinese and rent a good movie with a nice bottle of vino. Do you prefer red or white wine?” Describing the upbeat aspects of your personality and lifestyle will attract a positive-minded guy. In closing, give him a call-to-action, “If you think we would click, I would enjoy hearing from you.”
Read: Top 4 Reasons Women Over 40 Can’t Find Love With A Good Man.
4. You sound bitter. You make cynical comments about your ex (it implies that you’re carrying a heavy-duty baggage) or you make snarky remarks about men in general. You want to weed out the sports and TV addicts and so you write, “I lost my husband to Monday night football” or “I don’t date couch potatoes.” You think your sarcasm is funny. Men think you are angry at men. You say, "Are there any good guys left?” “I don’t play head games.” And “I don’t need a man to complete me.” You’re trying to sound strong and liberated but your negative language tells a man you have a chip on your shoulder.
How to spark his interest. Always sound enthusiastic and turn the negative into a positive. “I don’t know that much about football but I love hot wings and beer.” “I’m an independent gal, but when the right guy holds my hand, I truly feel like a woman.” Don’t reveal the difficulties in your past until you’ve had a couple of dates with a guy.
5. You sound needy. Expressions like, “ready to move on” or “healing from a hurtful breakup” imply you’re dragging emotional baggage. “Waiting for my white knight” or “looking for my better half” translate to: you’re looking for a man to rescue you. Words like “soul-mate” and “dream man” are too much pressure for a man—or will attract the wrong man.
How to spark his interest. In the beginning men just want to have a good time and they’re turned off if your profile sounds too serious. Keep it light, “I love going to restaurants off the beaten path, traveling to quaint cities and meeting new friends along the way. Are you adventurous?”
6. You’re boring. Your profile is full of generic phrases and adjectives: “I’m hard-working, considerate, loyal, honest, loving, affectionate and happy” make a guy’s eyes glaze over. People who are genuinely loyal and honest, don’t feel the need to advertise it. “I like to dine out, take long walks, go to the movies and read a good book.” Yawn! “I enjoy baking, sewing, bird watching and scrapbooking.” You’re trying to attract a romantic interest—not a retirement-home companion.
How to spark his interest. Write about the active things in your life, your passions and interject a bit of humor, “I’ve been to Tuscany, Paris and Rome. I love to travel; give me 5 minutes to pack my bag.” “I’m taking French cooking lessons, or we can go out to eat.” “I’ve always wanted to go deep-sea fishing but I’m afraid to bait the hook.” A man will feel your energy and want to contact you.
7. You post bad photos. If your photos are unflattering, he WON’T read you profile. You post one photo, you don’t use full-figure photos or they’re are blurry, dark or super-small (he thinks you’re hiding extra pounds or you lied about your age). You use photos that are out-of-date (it screams your ego lives in the past). You cut someone out of a photo (he must be the dreaded ex) or you post a photo with a guy friend (he thinks you’re not over your ex). You post photos of you socializing with friends in a bar and multiple snapshots of your children and pets. This is a dating site; a man doesn’t want to date a party animal or play second fiddle to your children, grandkids or a poodle. And for gosh sakes, don’t use a selfie—it looks like you’re trying too hard.
How to spark his interest. Do not post photos with grandchildren, grown children or pets in your main photo. Use photos that describe your lifestyle and that tell a man that you’re active and interesting; like playing tennis, cheering at football game or you standing on the beach barefoot, grinning ear-to-ear with your hair whipping in the sea breeze. Show a sense of humor: you looked amazed at the 2-pound lobster dinner sitting in front of you. Make sure your hair is stylish, your makeup looks natural and your clothes flatter your body.
Finally, keep your content fresh. Making frequent, minor updates to your profile can move you to the top of some sites’ search engines, prompting more winks and emails from online men.
You know what to do—now go do it!
Discover the traits and behavior that attract the sincere interest of quality men in Secrets of the Ultimate Hunter by Nancy Nichols
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