When the calls never come or the texts suddenly stop, this is what may have happened.
It's happened to all of us—we date a man who is handsome, witty, charming and fun to be with. From every indication he had a great time on your first date, too. He smiled adoringly at you during dinner, he laughed at your cute, quirky mannerisms, and he admired your style and accomplishments. Eye contact with him was mesmerizing, the conversation was stimulating and the chemistry was palpable.
He gave you a soft goodnight kiss at your front door and he purred, "I'll call you next week." Next week came, but the phone call never did.
"What happened?" you ask. You wonder, "Did I do something wrong?"
Many times you did nothing wrong. Maybe timing was off for him—he’s healing from a recent breakup or he’s dealing with financial issues. Maybe the chemistry is smoking hot for you, but not for him, but it's not a good reason to beat yourself up.
Then again, maybe your bad dating behavior doused his original interest in you. Here are 10 bad dating behaviors that will run a man off lickety split:
- Falling in love too fast: Romanticizing, fanaticizing and reading between the lines can scare a good man. Ignoring and making excuses for a man's bad behavior can allow the wrong man into your life.
Solution: Pheromones, testosterone, dopamine and norepinephrine induce feelings of physical attraction, infatuation and love. Reality check! Learn to temper your irrational, romantic feelings about a man with logic and reasoning.
- Clingy, insecure behavior: Insecure women will laugh nervously, talk too much and brag; subconsciously they are trying to sell themselves to a guy.
Solution: Confident women know their self-worth. Instead of worrying about what he thinks about you, focus on if he is worthy of your time and attention.
- Fearful, self-protecting behavior: You’re afraid to show your interest in a man. Your self-protecting aura causes you to appear unfriendly, aloof and unapproachable. Your fear of intimacy blocks the development of a relationship.
Solution: Adopt the mantra: It’s not ALWAYS about you. Men (even attractive, successful men) are afraid of being shot down by a woman. Assume everyone likes you—and if they prove otherwise, it’s their loss.
- Talking about money: A man is leery of a woman when her biggest interest seems to be about money and possessions.
Solution: Stay clear of initial conversations that include: what kind of car does he drive, your love of clothes, jewelry and expensive restaurants, and (please say you wouldn’t) how much money does he makes.
- Losing your "mystery": Sharing too much personal information too soon can squelch a man's desire to pursue you for a second date.
Solution: Don’t blab about your personal problems on a first date (or even second a date). Don’t talk about the problems with your children, a fight with your girlfriend, a crappy boss or your past infidelity. Introduce the intimate aspects of your life as a relationship develops.
- Calling and chasing a man: Out of eagerness or insecurity, you impulsively call a man, rather than waiting for him to call you first.
Solution: Ask yourself: Would you rather lose the interest of a man because (1) you called him out of desperation, or (for whatever reason) (2) he chooses to never call you again. Tattoo this on your forehead: If he doesn’t pursue you—he’s just not into you!
- Caving in for sex too soon: Yes, we are modern, empowered women, but a man needs time to develop strong feelings for a woman. Sex-too-soon can short-circuit an otherwise promising relationship.
Solution: Get to the core of WHY you feel the need to sleep with a man on the first or second date. Is it low self-esteem? Daddy issues? Are you afraid to say “no”? Men typically say: There’s something about a woman who makes him wait.
- Dating for money and position: When you who commit or marry for possessions and status, you may later find yourself yearning for the love and intimacy that is absent in your relationship.
Solution: Decide what’s more important to you: Financial security or a loving relationship—and then live with your choice.
- Talking about the men in your past: A man does not want to compete with the men in your past—dead or alive.
Solution: Talking about anyone is a bad reflection on you. If you must dwell on the pain and resentment of past relationship, talk to a girlfriend—not to a new guy.
- Drinking too much: Don't try to convince yourself that you "didn't act stupid" when you drank, when truthfully, you did. Loosey-goosey inebriated behavior can wreck your chances with a great guy, along with your BMW.
Solution: If you can’t limit yourself to 2 drinks, you don’t need to be drinking.
Any one of these naughty dating behaviors can cause a man to think twice about the woman he is dating.
Don’t blow your chances to gain the serious pursuit of a wonderful man. Learn the attitudes and behavior that will attract (and KEEP) a man's sincere interest in Nancy Nichols's Dating and Relationship Trilogy.
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